Communicating with people who are in distress is no fun. It can feel like a waste of energy and time. People in distress act defensively, can’t think clearly, and definitely don’t want to hear your point of view. At best, you’ll get nowhere. At worst, you’ll get pulled into their distress as well and might end up saying or doing something you’re not proud of.
But it doesn't have to be that way. With the right strategies, you can make a positive impact.
Six tips for staying level-headed when others are in distress:
- Distress is usually a symptom of an unmet positive need. Once you identify this need and address it, the root cause of the distress is eliminated. Fighting the symptom is a futile battle.
- Distress thrives on myths about emotions. No one can make another person feel good or bad. So don't fall for suggestions to the contrary.
- Distress is emotional. That's okay, as long as you address the real emotions and don't let the surface emotions fool you.
- In times of distress, the process takes precedence over the content. It’s rarely about what is said, but almost always about how it is said. Don’t let yourself be swayed by the content—if you can do that, you’re already halfway there.
- You did not cause the distress, even if you did something wrong: Distress is caused by how we interpret and react to what happens, not by the event itself.
- You are responsible for your behavior and for what you do next.
Do you want to stay calm when others are in distress? In our six-part series of articles, we take a closer look at the six most common types of distress. We’ll show you what’s going on behind the scenes and how you can respond positively to distress.
How to Communicate with People Who
- are overly controlling and critical (>> read more)
- Waging crusades and imposing religious beliefs (>> read more)
- manipulate and create negative drama (>> read more)
- blaming others and refusing to take responsibility (>> read more)
- withdraw and not respond (>> read more)
- make silly mistakes and lose the trust of others (>> read more)
This series is based on our work with the Process Communication Model, a scientifically grounded model for understanding and communicating with different personality types, both in and outside of distress situations.
Originally published in 2017 by Next Element Consulting (www.next-element.com), translated into German by KCG.
