How to Communicate with People Who Make Silly Mistakes and Lose Their Self-Confidence
Some people who are in distress make foolish mistakes that invite criticism and rejection. They doubt their abilities and begin to believe they aren’t worthy, and this is reflected in their behavior. Whether they put themselves down or worry about what terrible thing might happen to them next, they expect that at some point they will be hurt and rejected. As a result, they avoid making decisions, or they make poor decisions that attract negative attention.
Behind the Scenes
People who make silly mistakes and lose their self-confidence often question their own worth and likability. What they really need is positive recognition for who they are, without any strings attached. They want to know that they are loved unconditionally. They thrive on close relationships, community, and support. These people are naturally compassionate, sensitive, and warm-hearted. They seek harmony and positive emotional experiences.
When their boundaries are crossed or bad things happen, compassionate and sensitive people face a dilemma regarding their anger. Internally, they may feel angry about how they were treated, but outwardly, they do not express it. They bottle up their anger to maintain peace because they fear that expressing it will lead to rejection and destroy the harmony in a relationship.
Internalized anger often leads to self-hatred and depression. Instead of asserting their boundaries and needs with those who have crossed a line, these people begin to believe that they deserve the bad things that happen to them. Their behavior can become a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Only when they can confidently express their anger in close relationships will they recognize their own worth and lead healthier lives.
Does this sound familiar?
- Remember that you are valuable and okay, no matter how others react to you.
- Your needs are just as important as everyone else's.
- It's okay to be angry and to express that anger in a healthy way. By doing so, you show that you value yourself and the people who are important to you.
- Surround yourself with people who love you, who care about you, and who are willing to call you out without rejecting you.
- Take care of your sensory needs. Creative amenities that stimulate the senses will recharge your batteries!
Tips for communicating when the person you're talking to is showing this kind of distress
- Show your conversation partner that you care by offering kind words of affirmation, compassion, and concern.
- Ask personal questions about family, friendships, and feelings, and listen openly and honestly.
- Tell the person you're talking to that they are important to you as a person, without setting any conditions.
- When someone expresses anger, treat them with great care and respect. Showing anger is one of the hardest things they can do.
This article is part of the series“How to Communicate with People in Distress.” In this series, we explore the six common types of distress.
Read all the articles now to find out what goes on behind the scenes at Distress and how you can respond positively.
How to Communicate with People Who
- are overly controlling and critical
- Waging crusades and imposing religious beliefs
- manipulate and create negative drama
- blaming others and refusing to take responsibility
- withdraw and not respond
Originally published in 2017 by Next Element Consulting (www.next-element.com), translated into German by KCG.
