Distress, Part 5: Retreat into Another World

How to Communicate with People Who Withdraw and Don't Respond

Some people in distress isolate themselves and withdraw, turning inward and zoning out. They seem disconnected from reality and can become unresponsive in situations of severe stress. They start projects but don’t finish them, going around in circles for long periods of time. They often forget to take care of themselves or their responsibilities and don’t ask for help, so it’s easy to overlook them.

Behind the Scenes

People who withdraw and remain silent often need peace and quiet—rather than isolation—to recharge their batteries. Instead of being left alone, they need a clearly defined time and space to themselves, with the assurance that others will reach out to them and tell them what to do next. With sufficient guidance, they can work well on their own. If they lack direction and structure, they easily become passive, as if they’re waiting for someone to tell them what to do.

These people are naturally thoughtful, imaginative, and calm. They possess an amazing inner imagination that thrives best when there aren’t many distractions or social interactions. The dilemma these people face is that while they need peace and quiet, they also need guidance. They are happy when others provide them with guidance. However, when they are alone and faced with a decision they must make independently, they must either set their own course to make a decision or risk withdrawing and passively waiting for someone or something else.

Does this sound familiar?

Remember that you are capable of giving yourself guidance when you are faced with important decisions.
Ask for guidance. Surround yourself with people you trust who will tell you what to do.
Set aside blocks of time when you can be alone and take some time to yourself—whether it’s in the park, playing your musical instrument, pursuing a hobby, going fishing, or whatever else recharges you.
It's okay to skip social activities if they drain your energy.

Tips for communicating when the person you're talking to is showing this kind of distress

Use prompts instead of questions; for example, instead of asking, “When will you be done?” say, “Tell me when you’ll be done.”
Give these people plenty of uninterrupted periods of quiet time.
When you delegate work packages, break the tasks down into individual steps, give your counterpart instructions, and then let them work on their own.
Tell the person when they should come back, or check on them regularly.
Remind the person you're talking to of deadlines and responsibilities.
Don't expect too much socializing or small talk.

This article is part of the series“How to Communicate with People in Distress.” In this series, we explore the six common types of distress.

Read all the articles now to find out what goes on behind the scenes at Distress and how you can respond positively.