Distress, Part 3: Manipulation and Drama

How to Communicate with People Who Manipulate Others and Create Negative Drama

When in distress, some people turn into true drama queens and kings. They triangulate, manipulate, and turn the tables to create drama. It seems as though they’re constantly pushing their way into the spotlight, trampling on others along the way. They invent smokescreens and diversionary tactics to evade responsibility, and somehow manage not to get caught. They develop a narcissistic attitude that they’re above the law.

Behind the Scenes

Manipulative people desperately seek excitement and thrilling challenges. If they can’t get these in a positive way, they seek them out in a negative way by creating drama. While this may be exciting, it leaves a trail of destruction in its wake. They are charismatic and can be great leaders, but they are afraid of being transparent and forming close relationships. Since they can’t handle intimacy, they keep people at a distance through manipulation. By striving for control and dominance, they unfortunately sacrifice their leadership qualities. It doesn’t take long before even their deputies abandon them because they don’t like being taken advantage of.

Does this sound familiar?

Use your charm and charisma to inspire people in a positive way.
Show courage by being transparent and consistent in your relationships. Stop surprising and embarrassing people who want to trust you.
Let yourself be inspired by being a positive hero. You can achieve amazing things when you work together and dedicate yourselves to a cause greater than your own egos.
Support and encourage others. There’s no need to shower them with effusive praise. Just be a consistent and supportive presence in their lives.

Tips for communicating when the person you're talking to is showing this kind of distress

Summon all the courage you can muster. These people respond best to very clear boundaries, direct conversations, and straightforward communication. They can handle it.
In direct communication, avoid emotional appeals and unnecessary details. Get to the point and tell the other person what to do, for example, “Tell me what I should do today.”
Create positive excitement. Set up positive competitions, short-term goals with high stakes, or tasks that pay off immediately.
Negotiate with the other person, just for fun. Regardless of the outcome, the process of negotiating is motivating for you.
Keep your counterpart on their toes. The faster things move, the better their performance will be.

This article is part of the series“How to Communicate with People in Distress.” In this series, we explore the six common types of distress.

Read all the articles now to find out what goes on behind the scenes at Distress and how you can respond positively.