Distress, Part 2: Leading Crusades and Preaching

How to Communicate with People Who Crucify Others and Preach Their Values

When in distress, some people become judgmental, opinionated, and self-righteous. They literally go on a crusade, forcing their beliefs on others and expecting people to agree with them so that they can feel okay again. No one seems to meet their impossible moral standards, and they become suspicious of anyone who doesn’t share their opinion. Their tunnel vision prevents them from realizing that no one wants to be around them. Instead of being respected for their integrity, they are feared because they are unnerving.

Behind the Scenes

People who assert their beliefs need positive recognition for their commitment and convictions. If they don’t receive this, they seek it out in a negative way by imposing their beliefs on everyone else. They are natural protectors and take care to fulfill their responsibilities and duties to ensure that everyone (including themselves) does the right thing and acts honorably. Unfortunately, when they preach, they only push people away. What they fail to realize is that, on the whole, people are not immoral or corrupt, even if their belief systems aren’t front and center. The bottom line is that everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, and there are many acceptable ways to achieve things in life. Denying this is a recipe for misery.

Does this sound familiar?

Accept that you are valuable despite the imperfections in your life. It's scary, but that's okay. Being afraid doesn't make you weak.
Remind yourself that it is noble and right to live according to your convictions.
Focus on doing meaningful and purposeful work, and share your opinion only if you have permission to do so.
Support and encourage others, rather than expecting them to value the same things you do.

Tips for communicating when the person you're talking to is showing this kind of distress

Be proactive! Ask for the opinions and assessments of the person you're talking to, but do so at times when you're open to feedback.
Acknowledge the other person’s beliefs, even if you don’t agree with them—for example, “I appreciate how strongly you believe in this.”
Show appreciation for how the other person lives out his or her values, for example, “I can see that you’re really trying to pursue and live out our company’s mission.”
Be a good listener when the person you're talking to shares their uncertainty with you about whether they are up to the responsibilities in their life.
Invite the person you're talking to to participate in activities where their strong beliefs and opinions can add value.

This article is part of the series“How to Communicate with People in Distress.” In this series, we explore the six common types of distress.

Read all the articles now to find out what goes on behind the scenes at Distress and how you can respond positively.