Distress, Part 1: Overcontrol and Excessive Criticism

How to Communicate with People Who Are Overly Controlling and Critical

Some people, when under distress, become overly critical of others’ work. They are downright obsessed with time, cleanliness, order, and fairness. They are frustrated because they try to control everything and everyone, and they make the people around them unhappy. They don’t seem to realize that they’re driving people away. They may get obedience from their frightened employees and colleagues, but they certainly won’t get their commitment.

Behind the Scenes

These people urgently need positive recognition for their hard work and valuable time. If they don’t receive this recognition, they seek it out in a negative way by criticizing others’ work and time management. What they fail to realize is that people, in general, aren’t stupid or lazy. The real problem is that no one can control another person or the events around them. The more you try, the more frustrated you become.

Does this sound familiar?

The key is to accept that you have control only over your own behavior, attitude, and thoughts. Focus on doing your job well, sharing your ideas when you’re given the opportunity, and helping others do their best. Be sure to take regular breaks so you don’t fall into the trap of believing that your watch, your to-do list, and your strategic plan dictate your life.

Did you know that people who are critical and attack others are at a higher risk for heart problems? Studies show that people who express higher levels of hostility are also at a higher risk for stroke or heart attack.

Tips for communicating when the person you're talking to is showing this kind of distress

Regularly ask the person you're talking to for their ideas and insights. Be proactive and don't wait until they lose their temper.
Ask the person you're speaking with if they have time for you right now. Never just barge in or demand that they drop everything to deal with your emergency.
Recognize your counterpart's hard work by describing exactly what they have accomplished and how that has helped improve efficiency, productivity, or progress toward goals.
Give the other person all the necessary information. Never withhold information from them, as this directly insults their intelligence and robs them of their ability to plan.
Stick to the facts. Avoid emotional small talk.
If possible, let the other person know in advance about any changes to the plan. They don't like surprises.

This article is part of the series“How to Communicate with People in Distress.” In this series, we explore the six common types of distress.

Read all the articles now to find out what goes on behind the scenes at Distress and how you can respond positively.